Kiwi's dream
by Fleur de Anemone
Summary: DISCONTINUED For the first few chapters, this is Kiwi's, the daughter of Edward and Coniniuae Elric, dream. She wakes up, and finds out she has been in a coma for 10 months... I do not own FMA or TM, this goes for the whole fic.
1. Kiwi's dream

**Chapter one: Kiwi's dream**

"Ki! Ki! Kiwi! Wake up!"

Kiwi opened one eye. "Mango?"

"It's 8:00! Do you know how late we are for school? We have 15 minutes to get to school before they ring the bell!" Mango flipped her pink-red hair behind her shoulders.

Kiwi sat bolt upright, springing out of her bed and grabbing a pair of old jeans from her bedpost. "MANGO! Why didn't you wake me earlier?"

"I just woke up myself!"

"Oh, Hell… Mom and dad already left for work?"

"Yeah! Aunt Winry is making toast for us to eat on the way to school."

Kiwi took off her pajamas and pulled on her jeans. Like her mother, she wore a black tube top from Aunt Winry's closet, a black jacket and fingerless black gloves along with her jeans. She brushed her kiwi green hair and pulled it back under a red bandana, also from Aunt Winry's room.

Mango, already dressed in her trademark red pants and black halter top, helped her sister quickly pick out earrings. They tumbled down the stairs of their mansion, rushing to the kitchen to grab their toast and the lunches Aunt Winry gave them.

"Hey…" Winry stopped them just for a minute. "You runt, stay out of my closet!"

"Sorry! Bye, Aunt Winry!" Both girls planted a kiss on Winry's cheek and darted out the door.

School 

"Dugan?"

"Here."

"Elric?"

Kiwi and Mango tumbled into the room right then. "Here, ma'am!"

Their homeroom teacher, Mrs. Juanita Havoc (Guess who her husband is?) glanced at them sternly. "You are so lucky you got here when you did or I would have marked you tardy. Take your seats."

"Yes, ma'am."

The only reason Kiwi and Mango were enrolled in this particular school was because it was the one people in the military sent their children too. In fact, in the front row was the daughter of lieutenant Fury, who he and his wife named Sophia. And nearby was John Ross.

"Listen up, class." Mrs. Havoc announced. "I am happy to inform you all that the son of Fuhrer Mustang will be joining us for the next month. Apparently, Riza Mustang wanted him to see what this school was like. Roy?"

Roy Mustang the second walked into the room. He smirked to the class and said, "The real reason I'm here is because I tried to blow up a squirrel in my old school's courtyard with my dad's fire gloves, but I hit the main building instead."

Juanita pointed. "Take a seat, Roy."

Roy took one of the available seats, next to Kiwi. Kiwi looked over at him and shook her head. He had inherited his father's looks. Roy the second looked exactly like his father, which Kiwi thanked God for.


	2. Alchemy Class

**Chapter two: Alchemy class**

In this school, they had a class for alchemy. But only if you KNEW alchemy could you get in. Of course, being the daughters of Edward and Coniniaue Elric, the best alchemists in Amestris, Kiwi and Mango got in. But then again, so did Roy the second. Just two days ago did Fuhrer Roy add this class to their school curriculum. You had to take a test to get in two days before, so basically, this was the first day of alchemy class.

"Alright, class." Guess who taught this class? Izumi Curtis. Neat, huh? "Lets start with basics. You all probably know this, but what is the base law of alchemy?"

Of course, Kiwi's hand shot up. So did Roy's. Oddly enough, they were the only hands raised.

"Roy?"

_Damn. _Kiwi thought.

"Simple. The base law of alchemy is 'equivalent exchange.' Which means…"

"Mankind cannot gain anything…" Kiwi butt in.

Roy looked annoyed. "Without first…"

"Giving something in return!" Kiwi finished, annoyed with him too.

Izumi blinked. "Erm… Um. Yes. Kiwi, Roy, do you mind telling us what the average adult human body is made of?"

"Water, 35 liters!" Kiwi called.

"Carbon, 25 kilograms!" Roy called. Kiwi just glared at him. This continued:

"Ammonia, 4 liters!"

"Lime, 1.5 kilograms!"

"Phosphorus, 800 grams!"

"Salt, 250 grams!"

"Saltpeter, 100 grams!"

"Sulfur, 80 grams!"

"Fluorine, 7.5 grams!"

"Iron, 5 grams!"

"Silicon, 3 grams!"

They both slammed their hands against the desk. "And an assortment of 15 other small elements!" Roy and Kiwi glared at each other until Izumi said, "Kiwi, you are truly the daughter of Coniniaue and Edward Elric, and you, Roy, are truly the son of Riza and Roy Mustang. Then, Kiwi, you would be so kind as to explain human transmutation and how it is dangerous?"

Kiwi froze. "…Yes. Of course… My father told me a story of two boys named… Eric and Alex. Their mother died due to a strange sickness that worked inside of her. Eric and Alex, their father being a wonderful alchemist, turned to alchemy for the answer to their prayers. However, their father had moved away long ago, so they needed to seek out a teacher. Irma, a kind woman who lives in Dublith, took them in and taught them how to use alchemy well. After their training, they returned home and went back into their father's study. That was when Eric discovered human transmutation and persuaded Alex to help him. Big mistake.

"When Eric and Alex tried this, something terrible happened. A horrible rebound took Eric's right arm, and Alex's whole body. Eric, in a desperate attempt to save his brother, sacrificed his left leg in order to transmute Alex's soul into a suit of armor. No one has ever successfully created a human. They use all of the basic ingredients, but there seems to be something missing. Something vital…"

"Thank you, Kiwi." Izumi smiled. "Please sit down…"


	3. Library

**Chapter three: Library**

Kiwi opened her locker, a vein throbbing on her head.

"So what happened? How was alchemy class? You have a crush on Roy, don't you?" Mango asked hastily.

"I… I do not!" She replied firmly. "He just knows a damn lot about alchemy. Probably as much as our dad taught me."

"Why didn't he teach ME any alchemy?"

"You hate alchemy."

"Good point."

"Besides, you want to be a mechanic, like Aunt Winry." Kiwi laughed. "You could take apart dad's arm and put it back together in a single night."

"Yeah… I guess I am really good." Mango agreed, crossing her arms behind her head.

"Ugh, you are so predictable." Kiwi muttered closing her locker.

"You SO like him, though."

Kiwi looked at Roy down the hall, taking books from his locker. "Fat chance. He's as snobby as his father."

"But just as hot."

"Oh, shut up Mango. Is that all you look for in a guy?"

"The short answer is yes."

"Ugh… Well listen, I've got to go to the library to take out books on amphibians."

"You know EVERYTHING about amphibians!"

"No, I know everything about snakes. Which isn't even an amphibian. I'm researching the poison dart frog for a 2,000-word essay in biology. What are you doing?"

"I'm doing cheetahs. I think that cheetahs are lovely, powerful, sleek creatures, that…"

"No need for poetry, Mango." Kiwi sighed. She turned and started to walk down the hall towards the library, Mango following.

"You're just jealous because I am the better writer."

"Hah. You wish."

"I have to go to math. I'll just walk you to the library, 'cause math is just next to it."

Roy glanced up as Mango and Kiwi strode by. "Hey! Kiwi?"

Kiwi looked at him. "Yeah?"

"Erm, where's the library? I got a report due in biology…"

"The library?" Kiwi smiled. "I'm just going there. Come with me."

"You so like him." Mango whispered.

"Do not!"

The library 

"Here's the library…" Kiwi walked in through the grand double doors. "Animals and stuff like that are in these three aisles…" She walked into the aisle that had "A" books in it and started to search for amphibians.

Roy smiled. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, Roy."


	4. Dad

**Chapter four: Dad**

On his way out of school, Roy Mustang glanced over at Kiwi, who was walking home with Mango. He sighed and shook his head. Back at his apartment, He picked up his phone and dialed the number of a certain someone he knew.

"Fuhrer Roy Mustang here."

"Dad?"

"Roy! How was it?"

"It was good, dad."

"Then why'd you call?"

"Dad, how do you get a girl to like you without telling her you like her yourself?"

"… You've called the right person, Roy. Riza would just tell you to be yourself, but I say to Hell with that. Try to be romantic. Girls like that. When you think she likes you, give her roses. White roses, if you REALLY like her."

"Thanks, dad…"

"Any time, son…"

"Is that how you got mom to marry you?"

"… In a way…"

School, the next day 

"Good thing you woke me up this morning, Mango!" Kiwi growled. "I'll kill you for every day you don't wake me up to see Roy."

"I know you like him. Why else would you kill me every day?"

"Shut up."

"You SO like Roy…"

"I DO NOT!"

"Drop the innocent act, girl."

"Shut up!"

"Haha…"

Alchemy class 

"A RED STONE!" Roy and Kiwi both called out.

"And how is a red stone created?"

"A red stone is created when red water is introduced to one million times to force of gravity and is crystallized!"

"How does a red stone become a Philosopher's Stone?"

Roy and Kiwi looked at each other. They shrugged. "Don't know."

"Great, neither do I." Izumi muttered. The bell rang. "Off to gym with you!"

Gym 

"I hate these stupid uniforms!" Kiwi tugged on her white long-sleeved shirt and looked down at her legs. "I feel like I'm wearing a volleyball uniform…"

"Me, too…" Mango pulled up her hair into a ponytail. "Well, we ARE playing volleyball today." They both walked out of the girl's locker room.

Spin. Spin. Guess who was team captain? Roy Mustang the second.


	5. Volleyball

**Chapter four: Volleyball**

"Mango, you are the other team captain." Mr. Armstrong said. This was Louis Armstrong's cousin, Mason Armstrong. He, unlike his cousin, had a full head of hair.

"Yeah!" Mango hopped over.

"Roy, since you are new here, you can go first."

Roy pointed automatically. "Kiwi."

Kiwi blinked but walked over. "Okay…"

Mango shot Kiwi a, 'I said you liked him and now he likes you! IN YOUR FACE!' glare.

Kiwi snatched the ball from Roy's hand and twirled it on her own finger. Will all the training she did with her father, her team was bound to win.

Later 

"I can't believe we lost."

"Mango, shut up." Kiwi and Mango were in the girl's locker room, changing back into their usual clothes. "You had no chance against me and Roy."

"I thought we were going to win, when Roy said that all he needed was you to win! I got 29 people on my team! YOU GOT TWO!"

Kiwi chuckled. "Maybe we're just better than you."

"You wish."

They finished changing and left, walking back to Kiwi's locker. Kiwi put in her combination and pulled it open, a small paper fluttering out. Mango caught it and read it over.

"Kiwi, it's a letter."

_Kiwi,_

_You know too much alchemy! I demanded an alchemic duel after school… That rhymed… Whatever. Later._

_Roy_

Kiwi blinked. "'An alchemic duel?' That's how our parents got to be state alchemists, right? Whichever alchemist creates the most magnificent thing."

"Yeah… I say you go for it!"

"What? He's got to be tons better than I am…"

"Yeah, right! You have two state alchemists as parents, Kiwi! You can SO beat him!" Mango encouraged.

"Mango…"

"It's true! Too bad you can't do that Izumi, dad and mom can do. Just by clapping…"

"Yes, Mango, I know."

"You'd better know! Do you have your staff with you?"

Kiwi pulled Renkinjutsu's staff from her locker. "Yup. I'm so glad Dad recreated it for me. It works great…"

"I'm sure it does. Just make sure Roy doesn't bring his fire gloves!"

"Yeah, really. I don't want to be incinerated.

"Who does?"


	6. Alchemic Duel

**Chapter five: Alchemic duel**

Kiwi set down her backpack, looking around. The entire school turned out to see her duel with Roy. "Where's Roy?" She asked herself.

"Right here." Roy pushed through the crowd. "Move, dammit."

Kiwi glanced around. "MANGO! Give me my staff!"

A staff flew out of the crowd. Kiwi jumped and caught it. "MANGO! It can break that way!"

"Sorry!"

"Whatever…"

"You know the rules of a alchemic duel?"

"Try to make the most extraordinary thing by using the resources around you."

"A simple 'yes' would suffice. I'll go first." Roy took out some chalk and began to draw an alchemy circle. Drawing, drawing, drawing… All done. He placed his hands by it, and created something wonderful. It grew, and grew, until it was about as tall as the school.

It was a giant white rose.

Kiwi stared at it. "Oh, it's beautiful…"

"I'm waiting, Kiwi."

"Oh! Right. Sorry." She tapped her staff against the ground. A totem pole of great detail rose into the air, painted and everything. Kiwi pointed to each animal with her staff. "This is a snake, the one curling around the whole thing. It represents stealth. This is a wolf, which represents loyalty. This bear represents strength. And this cat here represents courage and faith. The arms coming from the snake say that even the most handicapped person can accomplish their goals."

"Oh, wow…" Roy muttered. "I'm out of my league here…"

"Hell yeah."

Roy pulled out his rose. It might have been gigantic, but it was still the same weight as a regular sized rose. "Kiwi, take this."

"Eek! Thank you, Roy!"

"So you'll go out with me Friday?"

Kiwi stared at him. "You got me into a alchemic duel just to ask me out?"

"In short, yes."

"…Fine. Where are we going?"

"I was thinking we could have dinner at my dad's house…"

"Oh great. Now I have to see Fuhrer bas…"

"KIWI SHUT UP!"

"Sorry Mango. I'd love to, Roy. Pick me up at seven."

"Oh, one last thing. My dad completely forgot you were Edward Elric's daughter, so you have my permission to yell at him when he says something mean."

"Thank you."

"My pleasure."


	7. Dinner at the Fuhrer's

**Chapter six: Dinner at the Fuhrer's**

Kiwi had thrown on a ruffled lime green strapless dress, and was not waiting on the front steps to her house. "Roy, come on…" She looked in the window at the big clock in the main landing. 6:55. She clicked her green heels against the stairs, sighing and waiting. She had let her hair down out of the bandana just for that night. Both her mother and Aunt Winry had approved her outfit, because they had worn similar ones in the past.

A car pulled up. As the window rolled down, Kiwi smiled and exclaimed, "Lieutenant Havoc!"

"Hey, Kiwi." Havoc jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "Roy's in the back."

"Thanks." Kiwi opened the door and slid inside. Roy was wearing black dress pants and a silk red dress shirt. "You look nice, Roy."

"You look nicer, Kiwi."

Fuhrer Mustang's 

"Dad! She's here!" Roy called.

"We almost started eating without you."

"Daaaad…"

"It's true. Just come in and sit down."

Kiwi and Roy walked in and sat down. Fuhrer Roy looked at Kiwi. "Do I know you?"

"No, I don't think so…"

"Whatever…"

The middle of dinner 

"So Kiwi…" Riza began. "Do you know Edward Elric?"

"Huh?" She shot a sly glance to Roy the second. "Nope."

"You don't? He's the best alchemist in the military."

"He's short, too."

"Roy! Edward and his wife own a large house in Aquroya. But I think they own one in Central, too. Coniniaue, his wife, is a lovely young woman, who adopted a young girl when she was fourteen off the streets."

"Oh, you don't say?"

"Hah. Riza, don't skip the details." Fuhrer Roy began. "Coniniaue is a stuck up woman with more money than me, and an evil twin sister who's out to kill her. When she adopted that girl she actually quit the military in order to keep her. She met Fuhrer Bradley on the way out and he got her job back, as well as custody of the girl. And Ed Elric! He's a immature self-centered jerk…"

"Fuhrer Roy." Kiwi interrupted. Her voice was cold and dripped anger. "I kindly ask you to not speak about my parents that way."

"You're THAT Kiwi?"

Kiwi nodded, glaring at him. Roy just slowly put his head down on the table. "Oh, Hell…"

"Hmph."

"Dad… Edward Elric can't be THAT bad… He's only 29!" Roy the second complained.

"Well, he's not exactly the brightest… He got married when he was 16…"

"To my MOTHER!"

"Sorry."

"Ugh, this sucks… Come on Kiwi…"

"Anywhere but here is marvelous."


	8. Moonlight and fireflies

**Chapter seven: Moonlight**

Roy the second hopped back into the car with Kiwi and ordered Havoc to drive them to the park. _The park? _Kiwi wondered.

"Follow me, Kiwi." Roy instructed.

"Okay…"

Naturally, he led her to the waterfall that Ed had taken Coniniaue to. "Oh, Roy…" She knelt by the water, looking at the small minnows swirling around. "It's… Beautiful.""Yeah, I know. Come on!" Roy grabbed her hand and dragged her off.

"Where are we going?" Kiwi asked.

"You'll see, you'll see… Oh, and do you like dancing?"

"Uh, yeah… But I can't really—"

"Even better!"

**Later**

Roy ran the whole way to a meadow. "Isn't it pretty?"

Kiwi looked around. Fireflies danced in the sky and on the treets, giving everything a serene, beautiful glow. "It's even prettier than the waterfall…"

Without warning, Roy spun her around and then out into a dip.

"Roy, what are you…"

"Dancing."

"I don't know how to dance…"

"Just follow my lead then!"

They spun around for several minutes, staring into one another's eyes. They both seemed to glare a bit, as in alchemy class the day before they had developed a slight rivalry.

"I. Suck. At. Dancing."

"You're doing fine."

"Hah. You're just trying to make me feel better."

"Is it working?"

"HELL no."

"Well maybe you should try to practice more often. A woman as lovely as you deserves to move with grace."

"Romantic, are we?"

"Say what you will."

"I never said being romantic was a bad thing!"

"It was sort of implied."

"Was not!"

"Was so!"

"Was not!"

"Was so!"

"WAS NOT!"

"Fine, whatever. My dad said women like romance anyway."

"That is a fact you can be sure of."


	9. Sweet kisses after ten months

**Chapter eight: Sweet kisses after ten months**

_Roy spun her a final time, looking off across the fields. "Hell. It's my dad."_

_Kiwi broke away. "I don't want to talk to HIM ever again. Hmph." She crossed her arms and spun on her heel._

_"Come on, Ki, don't hold a grudge…"_

_"I'll hold a grudge if I want to, Fuhrer's boy." She started to walk away in a huff, leaving Roy alone. _

"Kiwi, wait…" He drew an alchemy circle and made a bouquet of white roses from the ground. He darted over to her and handed them over. "Here."

"Roy" Kiwi took them and sniffed them. "They're lovely…" She looked at him, and he looked at her. The roses hit the ground as they fell from Kiwi's hands and a delicate foot popped up behind them.

Kiwi's eyes snapped open. "What…" She sat up and looked around. There was a needle attached to her arm, and a small machine measuring her heart rate beside her. "Where am I?" She looked around. "A hospital?"

"EEK!"

Kiwi's head snapped up. "Mommy?"

"THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! BASTARD!"

"Coniniaue, calm down! It's almost over!"

"BASTARD! WHY DID YOU GET ME DRUNK? WHY?"

"I was drunk too! I'm sorry! It's almost over!"

"BASTARD! BASTARD!"

Kiwi pulled back the curtain just as the screaming stopped. Her pupils shrank as she just stared. "Oh… God…"

Coniniaue's face was red, but calm. Edward had his fingers closed around hers, as her other hand was occupied by…

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" Kiwi screeched, pointing. A four-year-old girl was screaming that in a hospital. It was an odd sight.

"Kiwi!" Edward let go of Coniniaue and picked her up, hugging her. "You're awake! You're awake…"

"What… What day it is?"

"Erm… Thursday."

"What DAY day?"

"August twenty fourth…"

Kiwi squirmed from his grasp. "How… How long have I been asleep?"

"Ten months!"

"TEN MONTHS?" Kiwi sat in a corner. "So I guess I'm five now… NOW WHAT IS THAT?"

"Kiwi, this is your little sister… Mango…" Coniniaue smiled wryly.

"Mango?"

"MANGO?" Edward shouted, outraged. "You named our daughter MANGO?"

"Yes. Problem?"

"BIG problem! MANGO? Who names their kid MANGO?"

"I do. And if you have a problem then I swear I will twist your nose off your face."

"Mango? Isn't that GREAT name. Mango Elric. I LOVE IT!"


	10. Roy actually DOES have a son

**Chapter nine: Roy actually DOES have a son**

Roy sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes. "I hate mornings." He mumbled. "Always so… Quiet."

He got dressed and opened his door, blinking and staring down. A little four-year-old- boy stood right there, holding a tine note. Roy knelt down and mumbled, "Can I help you?"

The boy shoved the note in his face. "Mommy said to give this to you."

"Mm." Roy grabbed the note and scanned it over. "Oh, Hell…"

_Roy,_

_Hey, guess who? Pyra. Four years ago we went a little… Too far, you might say. When I joined up with the homunculi, Lust almost killed him for calling her hair ugly and Gluttony almost ate him, because… Well, because he could. Envy, however, took a shine to the boy and offered to help me raise him. Yeah. So I brought him back to you. His name is Roy, after you. So I suggest you take care of him. I taught him a little alchemy. We got past equivalent exchange and junk like that. Later, babe! _

_Pyra, or now, Renkinjutsu_

"Damn." Roy pocketed the note. "Er… Roy, is it?"

The boy nodded.

"Well, I know you're my son by your looks… So come on. Let's get to work."

On the roof of Roy's apartment building 

Renkinjutsu smirked as she saw Roy walk out with his son. "So the colonel took in his son."

"Aw, I really wanted to take care of him with you!" Envy crossed his arms and turned into Roy. "I could even turn into Roy for you! See?"

"Envy, please." Renkinjutsu sighed. "I could never see in you what I see in him."

"Why, I never!" He scowled. "I'm BETTER than him!"

"Yes, you are. But Roy…"

"Yes, go on."

"…Is sexy."

"GAH!" Envy fell over. "CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT I CURRENTLY LOOK EXACTLY LIKE HIM?"

"He's sexy in his own way. You're sexy in a sort of man-this-palm tree-headed-guy-is-really-weird-but-really-cool kind of way."

"It's nice to hear someone thinks I'm pretty." Envy muttered.

"Yes but, Envy, I just didn't want my son to be raised with violence. Nor did I want him to know he is half homunculus."

Lust sighed. "You're the most human out of all of us, though I despise the thought."

"I know." Renkinjutsu glared down at Roy. "I wish he was a homunculus too."

"What homunculus would he be? Chaos? Death?"

"Hm… We could always change him to Lust…"

"HELL NO!"

"I was just kidding. Relax."


	11. Kiwi, Mango, and WHAT THE HELL?

**Chapter ten: Mango, Kiwi, and What the Hell**

Roy dragged his son in his office. Riza, of course, was on the phone, talking to someone. She hung up and looked at Roy with a you-are-not-going-to-like-this-one-bit look.

"What is it, Hawkeye?"

"Well, sir. That was Edward Elric. He and his wife…"

Just moments later 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

At the hospital, minutes later 

"YOU HAD A DAUGHTER?" Roy yelled at the two. Coniniaue was cradling her daughter with the utmost care, covering her tiny ears to block out Roy.

"YES, WE HAD A DAUGHTER!" Edward shouted back at him. "I AM IN NO MOOD TO LISTEN TO YOUR YELLING!"

"Itsumo no shisen ni kimi ga ite kokyuu ga dekiru…" Coniniaue sang softly to her child. "Boku ni totte nara sore dake de…" Mango was crying because of the noise, and Coniniaue was trying to soothe her.

"JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE RICHER THAN ME WITH A FULL FAMILY DOESN'T MAKE YOU BETTER!" Roy shouted.

"I DON'T CARE ANYMORE, ROY! JUST LEAVE US ALONE!"

"I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF A KID TOO!"

That shut everyone up. Even Mango stopped crying.

Roy the second peeked into the room. He was a much shorter, less smart mirror image of his father. "Hi."

Edward stared. Then looked at Roy. Then stared. "It's a joke, right?"

"Nope."

Edward smirked. "At least my wife was married to me when we…"

"Not with the kids around, Ed." Coniniaue muttered.

"Hm? Oh. Yeah. Sorry."

Roy fell back to sit in a chair, resting his cheek on his hand. "Well this isn't exactly marvelous. Who's going to take care of your children when you're at work? Who's going to take care of MY kid when I'm at work?"

"Roy can stay with us."

"WHAT?" Edward glared at Coniniaue. "NO WAY! I'm not having HIS KID and MY KIDS together in the same house!"

"Ed. Shut up. The tall people are talking."

"AND TO THINK I CALL YOU MY WIFE!"

"Listen, Roy, our house is big enough for at least a dozen people. You drop your son off at our place before work and pick him up after. Kiwi knows the grounds, and the house. Our house is made with very thick walls and the locks are impenetrable. And we always have guest rooms if you need your son to stay the night."

"That's very…" Roy had the push out the word. "KIND of you, Coniniaue…"

"Listen buddy, I would probably be yelling at you if I hadn't just been through seventeen hours of labor, alright?" She growled. "And plus the kids are in the room… Edward, take the kids out to play."

Edward took Mango in his arms delicately and told Roy the second and Kiwi, "Come on, kids… Let's go play for a few minutes while mommy and Roy talk…"


	12. Words kids don't learn in kindergarten

**Chapter eleven: Words kids shouldn't learn in kindergarten**

Edward plugged Mango's ears as he hastily walked the kids away from the room. He could still hear Coniniaue yelling at Roy;

"YOU $#$! $#ING &#HOLE! WHY THE $& DID YOU EVEN COME TO SEE ME IF YOU KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO YELL AT US, YOU GOD&# PERVERTED GIRL &ER!"

"Let's hurry, kids… And get outside into the air…" Edward muttered, pushing the kids onward.

"AND ANOTHER THING! WHEN THE DID YOU GET A SON? I KNEW YOU WOULD ALWAYS GO TOO FAR WITH A WOMAN! $#$ING #$&!"

The yelling finally stopped when Edward got the kids outside. "Listen, kids, I want you to never ever use any of those words your mother called Roy, okay?"

"Yes, daddy!" Kiwi smiled.

"Alrighty Mr. Elric." Roy shrugged.

Coniniaue poked her head out a window. "You can come in now!" She called down to them.

**Back inside**

Roy was silent in his chair. He didn't know seventeen-year-old girls had such colorful vocabularies. His little son, of course, climbed onto his lap and hugged him. "Daddy!"

"'Daddy?'" Roy repeated. His eyes became starry. "I'M A FATHER NOW! THIS IS GREAT! WE HAVE TO GET A DOG AND A CAT AND A BIG HOUSE AND LOTSA STUFF AND LOTSA MONEY SO WE CAN BUY THE STUFF AND…"

"Roy? Shut up. Please."

"AND WE NEED TO GET YOU A TOTALLY AWESOME ROOM AND A PET AND…" He looked at Coniniaue and Edward, who were just stared at him. Suddenly he was on his knees. "CONINIAUE! EDWARD! Would you let Roy Jr. stay at your house for a while until I can get us a bigger house?"

"Well sure, Roy." Coniniaue smiled. "Kiwi and Roy will get along great…"

"I'm sure they will… Oh, and something struck me as odd. Have you ever wondered why King Bradley hasn't charged you for fraternization?"

Coniniaue and Edward looked at each other. Edward handed Coniniaue Mango and shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe because we got married on our own time? I mean, you go out with Hawkeye, don't you?"

Roy blushed. "Yeah, so?"

"So isn't THAT fraternization?"

"… I don't know."

**A month later**

Coniniaue had left the hospital and took three weeks off to stay with Mango, but soon had to go back to work. She left the children with Winry and Pinako, who took good care of them.

She reported directly to Mustang's office. "HIYA, ROY!" She said cheerfully, bursting through the door with Edward. "What now?"

"A murder. We need you to look into it, okay?"


	13. Rahcknopholianne

**Chapter twelve: Rahcknopholianne**

The sound of loud, echoing footsteps of black combat boots could be heard through the whole building. Random officers stopped what they were doing to glance up at the tall, strong woman barging through their desks. She had unruly, blue hair to her shoulder blades, pulled back into not only two ponytails, but also a red bandana. She wore a red, Chinese-style dress, that reached her knees, with open thighs, where a red dragon tattoo wound down her leg.

All in all, she was beautiful, but short tempered and deadly.

"Um, miss?" Fury began shakily. "Do you have permission to enter the colonel's office?"

She said something in Chinese and went on.

"Er… Do you know Japanese?" Fury asked slowly.

She shook her head and kept going.

"Er…" he caught her arm. "You can't go in there."

She sighed and said something in Spanish. Fury just stared. Then something in Italian. Still, staring. Then Russian. Still, he stared. She waved her arms frantically and just barged into Roy's office. Roy looked up and Coniniaue and Edward turned. Coniniaue's eyes widened and she sat onto her knees, looking at the floor.

The women yelled something in Chinese at her.

"I'm sorry…"

She yelled something else.

"I know…"

One last thing.

"Yes, Aunt Rahckno."

Rahckno sighed. She glanced up and pointed at Edward.

"Yes, that's him. Edward, Aunt Rahcknopholianne. Aunt Rahcknopholianne, Edward."

Edward shook her hand. "Hello… Wait… AUNT?"

Rahcknopholianne nodded. "Me Coniniaue's aunt."

And of course, Edward was booted aside, and Roy took his place. "Why hello there, Rahcknopholianne, is it? What a bizarre name! Any particular roots?"

"Rahcknopholianne name of great Amazon goddess." Rahckno said angrily. "Not bizarre. Great!"

"Did I say bizarre? I meant great!" Roy chuckled.

"You no mean great!"

"Aunt Rahcknopholianne is an Amazon from China. She speaks every language, except Jewish and Japanese." Coniniaue sighed. "Beware of her, though. She is VERY skilled in martial arts. If she kisses your cheek it means that she will follow you to the ends of the Earth and kill you…" (A/N: Where did Areku get that from? LOL! Ranma ½ rocks!)

"What if she kisses my lips?"

"She's in love with you."

Rahckno tossed him a book and walked off, saying, "I be at Coniniaue house."

Roy opened the book. "'If an Amazon is defeated in combat with a girl, she must kill her. If she is defeated by a boy, she must make him her husband.' I like those odds."


	14. Amazons

**I screwed up. Okay, this is REALLY chapter fourteen, because I TOTALLY forgot to add a chapter. And now you're wondering how Coniniuae had Mango, and how Kiwi's dream ended, right? Sorry. 'Sweet kisses after ten months' is up now!

* * *

**

**Chapter thirteen: Amazons**

"Wait! Rahcknopholianne!" Roy burst out of his office. "I challenge you!"

Rahckno laughed. "Silly man no match for Rahcknopholianne! Rahcknopholianne martial arts master!"

"Roy Mustang alchemy master!" Roy retorted.

"Hah! Goddaughter Coniniaue better alchemist than you ever be!" Rahckno replied, brushing him off airily. "Alchemy man no match for Rahcknopholianne!"

"My name is ROY for the second time!" Roy protested.

"Whatever. Roy man is in for lots of hurt if he challenge Rahcknopholianne." Rahckno laughed.

Roy pulled on his gloves. "That is no way to speak to a military officer." He growled dangerously.

"What you talking, dummy?" Rahckno asked, outraged. "Rahckno be Queen of Amazon tribe! Rahckno not get that way over night!"

Roy froze, and looked at her nervously. "'Amazon tribe?'"

"Yes! Amazon tribe! Coniniaue an Amazon too! So be her mother! And her sister! And every other female relative on her mother's side!" Rahckno sniffed.

"Aunt Rahckno…" Coniniaue sighed, walking out. "I told you not to tell!"

Edward followed, looking at the tattoo on Rahcknopholianne's leg. "Hm…"

She knelt by his wife and pulled up her pant leg.

"Edward!"

"Shut up! I'm working!" He squinted. He could see the very faint outline of a bright red dragon. "Why didn't I notice this before?"

"Because short man too busy making…"

"Aunt Rahcknopholianne!"

"I'M NOT SHORT! WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BEAN?"

"It true!" She glared at him. "And now short violent man Rahcknopholianne's son-in-law!"

Edward stared at her. "Hell… Does that mean… I belong to an Amazon tribe now?"

"Yes! Short violent man soon be KING of Amazon tribe!"

"Hey wait!" Roy glared at her. "If I beat you, you have to make me your husband, correct? Then I'D be the King!"

"Roy man be right. But I step down from position and give to Coniniaue. And you be Coniniaue's father."

Roy and Coniniaue stared at each other nervously. "I would be so proud! To have a seventeen year old state alchemist for a daughter! Not to mention her four-year-old baby brother!" Roy beamed.

Coniniaue bashed the back of his head with a metal hand. "In your dreams. I'd rather die than be your daughter. Plus, living with all those strong, beautiful women in the Amazon village would SURE be good for you. Rahcknopholianne would divorce you the second you talk to a woman."

"Oh well! We fight on the parade ground tomorrow at two!" Roy skipped off.

"I wonder how Riza will take this…"


	15. Swords Dance

**Chapter fifteen: Swords Dance**

You wouldn't think a Chinese dress and your hair in pigtails would be good for fighting, but then again, Amazons weren't exactly what you would call 'normal.' The dress was obviously very small on Rahckno, because it only went to about Rahckno's mid-thigh (Hence the T-rating, she's one of the more revealing characters. Just a heads up, readers.), which was just the way Roy like a woman to look. She had taken out her bandana and simply let her hair fall in her two, normal pigtails. Two thick sabers were sheathed at her hips, and there was a long stick in her hand with a giant, heavy brass ball on top with strength capable of snapping someone's neck like a stale breadstick.

Of course, Roy was alone, except for his gloves. In his usual uniform, with more than half the military cheering for him. Havoc would have been cheering for Rahckno, but because of his girlfriend, Juanita, he would feel guilty. So he went for Roy, anyway.

"Silly Roy boy no back out now?" Rahckno asked. Yes, I have to admit, she did sound stupid by the way she spoke. But she did not speak good Japanese, which was really kind of ridiculous, seeing how she knew almost every other language on Earth.

"Who does everyone call me that…" Roy muttered to himself. "No, Rahckno, I don't back out from a fight, even if it against a beautiful woman like yourself."

"Oh, please." Riza muttered somewhere in the midst of all the other soldiers.

"You no flatter Rahckno! Rahckno kill you!" Rahckno pointed at him with her brass-topped stick.

"K… Kill?" A sweat drop fell down Roy's head. "Um, if that is the Amazon custom… Um, what if it is a draw?"

Rahckno shrugged. "Nothing. Nothing happens, methinks."

"Then I must win!" Roy pulled his gloves from his pockets.

"THIS is the AMAZING battle between Our on Colonel, Roy Mustang—" Edward, holding a microphone, pointed at Roy. Cheering. Moving on.

"And the lovely Rahcknopholianne!"

Louder cheers.

"Ready, and… Fight!"

Roy lifted his hand and snapped. Ka-boom.

The smoked faded, and the parade ground was completely massacred. Rahcknopholianne was nowhere to be seen. The crowd was silent. What a surprise.

Suddenly there was a small tap. Rahcknopholianne delicately landed on part of the exploded ground. She looked at Roy. "My grandma stronger than you. This all you do? Roy boy bad at fighting."

Roy glared at her. "How…"

"I Amazon!" She said proudly. She cartwheeled across the uneven turf, keeping perfect balance. "I good at martial arts!" She paused, maybe twenty feet from Roy. He would have attacked, had he not wondered what she was doing. One leg was bent, her foot resting on her other knee. She had dropped her stick and now had the viciously curved sabers in her hands, one pointing up, the other pointing out at Roy.

"Swords Dance!" She said, in a voice made of a mix of triumph, smugness and skill.

She started rotating slowly, then quicker. Her bent leg was soon on the ground, spinning her around and around, the swords flashing in every direction, looking like a thousand swords when they were only just two. This could mean trouble.


	16. Counterfeit

Chapter sixteen: Counterfeit

Roy didn't know whether to be scared or not. It looked dangerous, yet silly at the same time. So he just lifted a hand and snapped.

KA-BOOM.

When the fire cleared, he gasped. Dammit! The friction around Rahckno had been enough pressure to save her from the flames. Roy was beginning to feel he was out of his league. But not yet. The ambitious Roy Mustang would never give in unless he was standing on the edge of death's knife.

Coniniaue, in the audience, shook her head and sat down on a chair she dragged out from the main building. Roy was no match for an Amazon. Well, maybe AN Amazon, but not Auntie Rahcknopholianne. She pulled out a book on homunculi from her knapsack and opened it, determined to find information on killing homunculi without having to kill them a thousand times or so.

Her eyes widened as her eyes fell on, "Counterfeit uroborus tattoos."

-Back with the fight-

Ed stood to the side, toying with the microphone. He was SO bored. Edward had already made the microphone into a toaster, a waffle iron, a metal waffle, a doorknob and an assortment of other household items. His eyes began to drift from his microphone to the fight, then to the crowd, watching people cheer. His pupils shrank as he saw a red-headed shape move through the crowd. Coniniaue? No, she was over there…

"YOU!" He shouted, dropping his microphone and taking off after Renkinjutsu. Roy and Rahckno took no notice; Rahckno was trying to hack Roy to pieces, and Roy was trying to avoid the swirling blades of death. The crowd noticed, though, and moved to allow Edward clear passage through. Coniniaue's head lifted, and her pupils shrank too. _Renkinjutsu? _She thought. _What reason would she have here?_ Her eyes wandered to the fight. _Ah. Of course. Roy…_

Suddenly Rahckno's blades stopped. Roy stopped jumping away to see what she stopped for.

Rahcknopholianne's hands were handcuffed together.

"What kind of dummy trick this be?" Rahckno protested, trying to worm her way out of the cuffs.

"It's not a dumb trick, in fact, it's a vital advantage."

Snap.

Flare.

KA-BOOM.

"Eek!" Rahckno skipped out of the fire at the last moment. "You dummy! You kill Rahckno! You disgrace Rahckno family!"

"It won't be disgrace. If you lose you have to marry me anyway."

"But if I die who marry you?"

"I see your point."

-Chasing Renkinjutsu…-

Edward panted as he speeded up a little more. Renkinjutsu disappeared into an alley just ahead of him… A trap? No. A desperate attempt at escape.

(Can't you people just WAIT until I explain how they had a son? Sheesh. The explanation comes in like two chapters…)


	17. Renkinjutsu, Human or Homunculus?

**Chapter seventeen: Renkinjutsu; human or homunculus?**

Renkinjutsu sped up. "I'm so much faster than he is…" She said to herself as she skid around into an alley. "It can't be too hard too—" Renkinjutsu looked around. There were no fire escapes, no windowsills, and no footholds whatsoever. She couldn't escape now.

Edward skid around the corner as well. "There you are!" He said, getting his trademark evil grin. "No place to run now. Homunculus, you can just finally die."

Renkinjutsu backed up. "Edward," She purred. "There's no need to be so aggressive. Let's talk, shall we?"

"Hell no, that's just one of your stupid tricks!"

"Did I say talk? My, my, I am having such a mix with words today. I mean to say, 'Let's talk about alchemy. And how DEADLY it can be!'" Her heel stopped. Edward looked, to see she created an alchemy circle with her foot in the dust. Once her hands were pressed next to it a wave of stone rose from the ground, crumbling towards Edward. He jumped to the side, the rock wave crashing down where he was and skidding out onto the street.

"You bitch!" Edward made a blade on his hand and darted forward. "No staff to save you now!"

"EDWARD! STOP!"

Edward paused and turned. "Huh? Coniniaue?"

Coniniaue stood behind him, an open book in one hand, the other lay on his shoulder. Her voice was more urgent than Edward had ever heard it before. "Renkinjutsu is human!"

_Human._

The word echoed in his mind.

_Human._

Renkinjutsu was just as shocked. "Human?" She spat. "That's preposterous. I'm a homunculus, I have uroborus tattoos on my feet."

"No, they are fake. You don't remember much about your childhood, do you?" Coniniaue asked. "Envy lied. You were the daughter of my neighbor, Angelina Malone. I remember you now! You're name was Angelica Malone, you loved playing on the big rocks on the shore. Remember? We trapped that baby shark and Angelina didn't let you keep it because it would grow too big?"

Renkinjutsu's brow furrowed in confusion. She did remember. But why would she even WANT to be friends with this bratty military lapdog? "…No."

"Well, you should." Coniniaue held up the book and pointed at a page. "This paragraph explains counterfeit uroborus tattoos. Random maniacs would get them to use as an excuse, that their bosses told them to do everything bad they've done. You didn't have those when you were a child, did you?"

"N… Yes! Yes I did!"

"No, you didn't. I saw your feet all the time and there were never uroborus tattoos on your soles. You bitch, you've been faking it all this time!" She shouted, outraged.

"I was not! I didn't know… You… You… DIE!" Renkinjutsu finished the alchemy circle she was making and made some kind of pistol. She aimed and fired without a second thought.

The bullet whizzed by Edward's head. "CONINIAUE!"

Lucky shot. Right in the alchemy tattoo. The force field shattered.


	18. Hell

**Chapter eighteen: Hell**

Coniniaue's pupils shrank and her hand grabbed Edward's. "Edward… I…" Her knees gave way. "I love you."

She toppled to the ground and died at his feet.

"…No…"

-Somewhere…-

White. All was white.

Coniniaue stood up. The tattoo had faded from her skin and all her wounds had healed. All around her was white. No Edward, no Renkinjutsu. No Amestris.

She fell to her knees and slammed her fists into the ground. "DAMN IT!"

"Hey, hey, don't curse. You're here, remember."

Everybody's favorite golden human-shaped God fazed into view before her. "You died, Coniniaue."

Coniniaue stood up and glared him in the… Um, face. "I don't have time for dying! I have a husband, two children! I'm busy! Send me back!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that for you, Coniniaue." God replied. "In fact, I have you down for a crash course to Hell."

"Why?" She spat. "Because I've trod on your domain using alchemy? You bastard."

"Stealing, cursing me, alchemy. And then, there is your father transmuting you and your sister together. You are the first to die, and therefore, you must pay the price."

"What? My parents died years ago! I don't have to pay. I shudder to think of what you've done to them already!"

"Your parents never died, Coniniaue."

Her pupils shrank again. "What? That's insane! You…"

"It's true. If they died, then you would be climbing the golden stairs to heaven by now. Saint Peter waited many years for you mother, yes, but she never came. And Satan has been waiting for your father, and…"

"Trisha."

"Who?"

"Trisha Elric, where is she?"

"Edward's mother? Heaven, of course…"

"Let me see her."

"Haha!" God laughed. "No way! I can't let sinners in heaven." He snapped, and the stairs appeared behind him. "But I can let Satan decide."

He snapped again, and red stairs going down appeared behind Coniniaue. Coniniaue turned and gulped, seeing lots and lots of red.

God floated and little closer, and gently pushed her backwards. Coniniaue tumbled down the stairs backwards, but of course, felt no hurt because until the stairs disappeared she was technically stuck between heaven and hell. She rolled out onto the bottom, onto the rough ground, and God took away the stairs. She stood up and brushed herself off. "So this is Hell."

There were crude huts made from stone in vast rows. There was fire shooting up from geysers all around. She had thought it you be a little more evil…

"Ah, miss. Tommy. Welcome to Hell."

Satan fazed into view before her like God. He was just like God, instead he glowed red.


	19. Trisha

**Chapter nineteen: Trisha**

"Yo." Coniniaue muttered, glaring at the glowing figure of red light. "Send me back."

"Demanding, are we?" He chuckled. "No can do. You've got to live here for the rest of eternity."

"...Let's make a pact, shall we?" Coniniaue suggested.

"A pact?" A quill and parchment appeared. The quill dipped itself in a bottle of ink that appeared shortly after. "Now I'm listening."

"I will sell you my soul."

Satan's red aura glowed brighter. "Ah, it's been so long since I've heard that. Everyone else who comes here simply hides in fear."

Coniniaue felt she would throw up she was so scared. But she had a plan. A very simple plan.

She took the quill and scribbled down "Coniniaue will sell Satan her soul in exchange for a visit into heaven." She drew and X and signed "Coniniaue Tommy" next to it.

"There. I get a visit to heaven, you get a soul."

"Done!"

Plop.

The scene around Coniniaue suddenly disappeared and she felt herself land gently on the ground. She had landed in grass; all around her was a serene meadow, with lovely, small houses next to it. There were countless farms and orchards, where every plant imaginable grew.

"…Heaven…"

She stood up and brushed herself off and walked into town. People regarded her with strange glances, and people began to gossip with each other. Coniniaue walked over and tapped a woman on the shoulder. "Excuse me, where is Trisha Elric's house?"

The woman looked at her, then looked at her metal arm. Coniniaue hadn't noticed her sleeve was torn off and her arm was completely visible. "Fifteenth house on Amestris road."

"Amestris r… Oh. Where is it?"

"Where exactly did you come from? God shows us around when we get here…"

"Listen, just tell me where the damn road is."

The woman pointed.

"Thanks."

Coniniaue turned away and walked down a road. She looked over and counted the houses; 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13… She stopped dead at 14. The plague on the door read: Reserved for Alphonse Elric.

"Al…" She looked at 13. "Winry… Pinako… Everyone but me and Ed…"

She kept walking. There, 15. She knocked on the door.

Trisha opened it and smiled. "Hello. Are you lost?"

"No, Mrs. Elric… Um, I'm Edward's wife. Coniniaue." Coniniaue rubbed her automail arm and looked at the ground. Just in case she didn't believe her, she pulled out her state alchemist watch. "I'm not sure if the news reached heaven yet…"


	20. Life

**Chapter twenty: Life**

Trisha let her in. "Yes, I know. I'm not trying to be rude, but I do think you could have gotten wed at a later age than sixteen."

"No offence taken." Coniniaue sat on the lush, white sofa in Trisha's living room. Trisha brought in two cups of tea. "Here. I read in the news this morning that you were sent to Hell."

"I was, but I sold Satan my soul just to speak to you."

Trisha flinched. "Coniniaue…"

"I tricked him. I would tell you how, but I do not know if he's listening or not. Trisha, do you know what your sons have become?"

Trisha sighed. "Yes, and I am very proud. I want to see them again so much… My two little boys are teenagers now…"

"Edward is a state alchemist and Alphonse lives in our other house in Aquroya. Well… Edward's house."

Trisha began to look uncomfortable. "Coniniaue, there is a way to go back. If you die in heaven then you are sent back to the gate and God will decide. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone…"

She didn't get to finish. Coniniaue had made a blade on her arm and stabbed it through her heart, smiling and disappearing like smoke.

-The door-

Coniniaue appeared at the door, her arm reduced to its usual automail. Satan and God popped out of nowhere. "How DARE you!" They shouted at once.

"Killing yourself to get back here!" God growled.

"And fooling me by writing the wrong name!"

"Yes," Coniniaue said with a dramatic flourish. "I have killed myself in heaven, and I have written Coniniaue Tommy instead of Coniniaue Elric. I now demand the privilege to return to Earth!"

Satan snapped. The door opened. "There."

"Hey, for Satan you not a bad guy… Later!" She ran through the door and disappeared.

"WHY DID YOU LET HER GO?" God yelled at Satan. "YOU LIKE TORTURING PEOPLE! Gah, I'm sooooo mad right now, why I should… I should shoot her down with a lightening bolt!"

"Don't." Satan chuckled. "Did you ever wonder how sad, or how angry she will be when she finds her parents? When I sent her to heaven for a visit to Trisha's I implanted their whereabouts in her brain. They are currently in Xing, hiding within a random tribe. I didn't tell her which one, she now she and her puny little husband are going to run around the country until they find them. And if memory serves, Coniniaue probably HATES her parents by now."

"I see your point. I don't want to watch this, watch it yourself. I'm… I'm going to go eat popcorn."

"Your loss, your loss."

"Yeah, yeah."


End file.
